How Do We Get Along?
Exploring the Root Causes of Our Disconnection—and Transformational Approaches That Can Bring Us Together
Dear Friends, I’m excited to share that I’m working on a new book, drawn from over 20 years of work in this field, tentatively titled How Do We Get Along? Exploring the Root Causes of Our Disconnection—and Transformational Approaches That Can Bring Us Together.
I believe the world urgently needs these kinds of efforts that will be covered, and I hope to make this book the best it can be—so it truly serves our collective healing and evolution. I’d love your feedback on this topic and the brief overview of the book below. Please feel free to share in the comments.
How Do We Get Along? Overview:
Why do humans have such a hard time getting along?
The evidence of our relational challenges is everywhere. From interpersonal struggles in our homes and workplaces, to conflict and violence in our schools and on our streets, to cultural and political polarization, the effects ripple across our lives and society. Relationships—when healthy—are our emotional lifeblood. They are critical for our survival and they help us thrive. But when wounded, they can be toxic, even dangerous.
We see this in everything from depression and loneliness to domestic violence, abuse, crime, and war. The consequences of unhealed relational wounds are personal and cultural—and more far-reaching than we often acknowledge. The good news? We’re not powerless. We actually have plenty of means to do better. We just haven’t invested in them anywhere near the scale that we should.
The question at the heart of this book is both urgent and hopeful: How can we get along better in life and society?
We now have a wealth of evidence-based tools, social science research, and lived experience showing what works to build healthier relationships—within ourselves, between each other, throughout our communities and even in our culture at large. Practices rooted in psychology, neuroscience, and conflict transformation have helped countless people find their way to healing and connection. What’s missing is awareness, access, and the cultural will to make these supports much more broadly available.
This book will shine a light on the root causes of disconnection and the most effective solutions available today—from the personal to the systemic.
Hurt People Hurt People
The challenges we face in relationships aren’t random or unexplainable. They’re the result of trauma, cultural conditioning, and familial & generational patterns—many of which we’ve normalized or ignored.
At the root of much relational conflict are unhealed wounds. Whether it's childhood neglect, abuse, toxic stress, or the smaller but still impactful "misses" of emotional attunement, the result is often the same: dysregulation. As neuropsychologist Dr. Judy Ho notes, trauma can rewire our brains and nervous systems, leading to depression, anxiety, emotional reactivity, and social withdrawal—responses that spill over into our interactions with others.
This is a cultural crisis as much as it is a personal one. The CDC reports that nearly two-thirds of American adults have experienced at least one Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE), and nearly one in six have experienced four or more. We now know that these ACE’s, or early wounds, ripple out in the form of mental illness, physical disease, violence, addiction, and broken relationships. Even those who grow up in stable homes are still impacted by the stress, disconnection, and trauma baked into our broader culture. The higher a person’s ACE scores, the more of these challenges they tend to have.
What’s more, many of the same dynamics that show up in our personal relationships—fear, projection, unresolved pain—also shape our communities, political systems, and public discourse. Our inability to connect more compassionately with each other is reflected not only in divorce rates and workplace tension, but in national headlines, school shootings, social media sparring, and racial and ideological division.
The Social Climate We’re Living In
We are living in a time of intense relational strain. In a recent survey, more than three-quarters of Americans said the future of the country is a major source of stress, and 68% believe this is the lowest point in our nation’s history. The American Dream feels increasingly out of reach. Loneliness, isolation, and political demonization are rampant.
Despite unprecedented technological access to one another, we’re more disconnected than ever. Social media, once touted as a great equalizer, now often rewards conflict over connection, spectacle over substance. Our news media thrives on outrage and sensationalism. And many of us are living more of our lives on screens than in genuine human relationship.
These trends are harmful. We’re losing vital skills for emotional regulation, conflict resolution, and authentic communication. It’s no wonder public health experts are warning of a growing “loneliness epidemic.”
And while most people long for something different, it’s hard to know where to turn for support—especially in a hyper-busy, stress-filled world.
We Know What Works
While these challenges are sobering, we’re not in the dark. In fact, we have powerful solutions already at our disposal—proven methods and practices that can dramatically improve how we relate.
From leading-edge trauma therapies like somatic experiencing, EMDR, and psychedelic-assisted therapy, to community-level models like restorative justice and school-based Social and Emotional Learning (SEL), we know what helps people heal and grow.
In the book, we’ll explore:
Leading edge psychological approaches—like Attachment Theory, which explores how our early caregiver relationships shape our adult patterns, and Internal Family Systems, which sees each of us as a system of protective and wounded parts guided by a core Self—are among the many approaches offering powerful insights into how we heal and grow; helpful for individuals, couples and families
Trauma-informed therapy that rewires the nervous system for connection instead of defense
Workplace-based conflict prevention, mitigation and wellness programs
Conflict resolution and communication tools like Nonviolent Communication and others
Restorative justice that heals harm instead of simply punishing it, helping to build or restore connection
Social Emotional Learning in schools, which teaches children emotional regulation, reduces bullying, increases empathy, and improves graduation rates
Community-based initiatives that reduce violence and improve public safety
Policy approaches that move our criminal justice from almost solely punishment to prevention and support
Many of these approaches have been working quietly behind the scenes—in schools, clinics, courtrooms, and community centers—for years. What we need now is to bring them to the forefront of our national conversation and especially our public investment.
The Personal Is Cultural—and Vice Versa
One of the most unique aspects of How Do We Get Along? will be its insistence on the interplay between our personal healing and our collective health. Too often, books focus solely on either internal change or external reform. But they are inseparable.
What happens in our homes is deeply influenced by what’s happening in our society. And vice versa: personal healing, when scaled, can become cultural healing. The same emotional intelligence and trauma awareness that helps a couple reconnect or a child regulate their emotions can also transform a classroom, a workplace, or even a city.
This book will bridge the gap between these domains. It will show how healing relational wounds at any level—intrapersonal, interpersonal, communal, or cultural—can ripple outward in meaningful ways.
Stories of Transformation
To bring this to life, the book will heavily feature real-life stories of people and communities who have done this work—who’ve moved from breakdown to breakthrough.
Some examples include:
Peter, who transformed a lifetime of relational dysfunction through carefully guided psychedelic-assisted therapy
Mary and Joss, whose marriage was saved through trauma-informed couples counseling
Jill, who catalyzed a wellness and conflict resolution program in a toxic work environment
A Philadelphia school, where SEL turned chaos into connection and boosted performance
Police and youth in Florida, building trust through structured peacebuilding dialogues
These stories offer will more than inspiration—they’re roadmaps. They show what’s possible when the right tools, support, and understanding are in place. Theory will be woven in, but stories will be the primary focus of the book.
From “Self-Help” to Collective Healing
While this book will offer many practical tools for individuals, it’s also a call for something bigger: for a cultural and political reorientation toward what actually helps us thrive.
It will explore how our systems—from criminal justice to education to public health—are often unequipped to deal with the root causes of conflict and suffering. And it will highlight the leading-edge policy and institutional innovations that are making a real difference, including:
Trauma-informed court systems
Diversion programs and restorative approaches in criminal justice
Expanded mental health services and wrap-around care
School and community investments in emotional well-being and resilience
These aren’t abstract ideals—they’re already working in pockets across the country and around the world. The challenge now is scaling what works.
A Vision for What’s Possible
At its heart, How Do We Get Along? will be a book about hope—grounded, actionable hope.
It’s a synthesis of what we’ve learned from the past few decades of psychology, neuroscience, education, and public health. It’s a call to listen more closely to one another, to understand the roots of our reactivity, and to invest in what fosters true connection. And it’s an invitation to imagine a culture where getting along isn’t just a personal aspiration, but a collective priority. And ultimately, it’s a roadmap for how to get there.
Because when we understand ourselves better, when we heal old wounds, and when we create the conditions for connection—we don’t just survive. We thrive.
That’s the story this book aims to tell. That’s the world it seeks to help build.
I Need Your Feedback
Thank you for reading this overview. How is it landing for you? I would welcome any and all feedback. Please use the comments below to share what you think.